When Mothers Day is a day of tears instead of Joy

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As we approach one of the most celebrated days of the year, I am reminded of the moms who actually dread this day. Mother’s Day isn’t necessarily a day of joy and smiles, and unfortunately for some, it’s a day filled with sadness and tears.

I can recall when this was the case for me, I will take you back to May 2000. It was almost three weeks after my daughter, Arielle Rebecca was stillborn at 28 weeks (7 months of pregnancy). This was a tough Mother’s Day, and I recall feeling so numb and full of grief on that particular day. I didn’t want to acknowledge the day for myself, so I did the best I could to tuck the sadness away and celebrate my mom. My mom is a super special lady and to celebrate her on that day wasn’t difficult in the aspect of I wanted her to know I appreciated and loved her dearly. It also served as a great distraction for me. But I recall as me and my siblings celebrated with cards, gifts, and laughter, I was silently crying on the inside. Why? Because this day would have been my first Mother’s Day celebrating with my daughter. That day was almost a complete blur for me, and because of the grief, I can’t give many details. But I can recall my thought process that day; I didn’t want to ruin this day for anyone, especially my mom, by showing any type of emotion other than happiness and, of course, a smile.

The following year, Mother’s Day 2001, I can recall as if it were yesterday. Sunday, May 13, 2001, is a day that I will never forget because my sister made this day extra special for me. I knew we would be celebrating my mom, of course, because I have to say, she is a super AWESOME lady. I was so happy to be celebrating Momma on that day, but I woke up that morning thinking that this will be a VERY hard day for me. The sadness hit me as if were May 2000 happening all over again. But I dare not share that with anyone because I didn’t want to make that day about me or my feelings of deep sadness. I can recall the weeks before Mother’s Day; I would see the advertisements on TV, and the malls were filled with Mother’s Day cheer everywhere! I remember feelings of panic, anxiety, and sadness leading up to that day. I wanted to skip the day, lock myself in my room and cry my eyes out. I knew it would have been so selfish of me, and I was determined to put on the smile and act as if everything was ok.

I remember sitting in my room early that morning, and my sister knocked on the door and said Happy Mother’s Day and gave me some beautiful roses and a card. As I reflect upon that time, my eyes are filling with tears. She didn’t know that her actions would be something that changed my life forever, and she created a moment I will never forget. She told me, I know your baby isn’t here with you, and she is in heaven, but you are a mom, and I want to celebrate you today. She expressed how much she loved me and didn’t want to forget about me. Can I say, WATERWORKS! My heart was filled with so much love and appreciation for my sister. Later that morning, my mom had the same conversation with me and afterward, I felt an immense feeling of relief in that she affirmed that it was okay for me to acknowledge I was a mom too, and I missed my baby very much. God used my mom and sister to let me know that I wasn’t alone in my time of sadness. Their words caused me always to remember Arielle & Victoria every Mother’s Day in a special way.

This blog is dedicated to all moms who have lost their babies at some point in their lives. Whether it was due to miscarriage, stillborn, at birth, or any age after giving birth, this message is for you.

I also want to share that I am blessed to still have my mom here with me. I can't imagine the pain of losing my mom. However, I also realize that this day can be hard for you if your mom is no longer here with you. The heartache of not being able to celebrate your mom is difficult, and I want to dedicate this Blog to you as well.

I realize sometimes the people in your circles don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable or sad and may not know exactly what to say about your loss other than, "I am sorry for your loss". This does not mean they are not thinking of you and praying for you. I am sure you are in their thoughts and prayers because YOU ARE LOVED. I have been there, and I know first-hand what it feels like, and I wanted to acknowledge your feelings today. I know Mother’s Day is hard because your beautiful moms, precious sons & daughters are no longer here. Please remember as this day approaches in the coming days, God is right there with you. He says in His word; He will never leave you nor forsake you, especially in the most challenging times. I know your heart is broken, and the feelings of sadness can be overwhelming, but please know better days are ahead. My daughter Arielle Rebecca would have been 21 years old, and Victoria would have been 12 this Mother’s Day. I say that to let you know that as I remember my babies this upcoming Mother’s Day, I have feelings of sadness knowing they aren’t here and often wonder what could have been. But at the same time, I am grateful that God has kept me and carried me through those times of sorrow. I am now on the other side of what used to be very dark, hard, and sad days. Mother’s Day used to be so unbearable for me, BUT God is a healer of broken hearts. Although the origin of your heartbreak may come from different circumstances, it is the same in the fact that it's painful and it hurts. This message is for all of you who shed tears of sorrow instead of tears of joy on Mothers Day. My prayers are with everyone who is feeling broken-hearted and overwhelmed with feelings of sadness. Please know that God will carry you through these sad times as well.

God Bless you and Happy Mother’s Day, and I want to share a special rose with you. You are not forgotten on this day.

Happy Mother’s Day.

With Love,

Shelly xoxo